On quite a lot of my favourite blogs, there are written letters and poems to children yet unborn and wives and husbands yet unmet. I liked the idea, so I decided to write a letter to my big sister. This letter was a bit tricky to write because I didn’t know what tone to use. I decided to be both funny and serious. Here goes-
Dear Big Sis,
I’m angry with you. That is, when I’m not missing you. Google has taken your place as my chief advisor. Even on the most personal of issues. I wanted to talk to you when I discovered blood coming out of my legs, I wanted to talk to you when I had my first crush, I wanted your advice on how to get rid of the spots on my face that the attack of inflamed pus-filled skin blemishes left. But you weren’t here. And Google was. Fortunately for me. I wanted to use your makeup to practice. Maybe it would have made me take a greater interest in makeup. I wanted to wear your clothes. That’s what sisters do, right?
Did I ever tell you that once when I was little, I went to daddy and asked him for a big sister? And he just laughed. Then I went to Big Daddy (God, that is) and the next morning, while I was anxiously waiting for your arrival, our big brother explained why it was impossible for me to have a big sister?
Did I ever tell you that I attached myself to any big sister figure I could find who was willing to listen to me? I toddled off after them, listening with wide eyes to all their stories whether it was boring or amazingly funny.
Have I mentioned that when you didn’t come, I started praying to God to turn me into a boy? That I wrestled with, and won, all our brothers and their friends? Yes I was that good.
In your absence however, I grew up. Quite nicely too ;-). Reflecting, I also realize that Daddy and I might not be as close as we are if he had two girls, apart from mom, that is. I finally managed to unilaterally adopt 3 big sisters. I’ve taken their makeup, gotten lots of boy advice and other things.
I miss you. I missed you. At some point in the future, I will still miss you. I keep hearing people praise their big sisters and I wish you existed so I could do the same as well.
But you don’t exist. Not even in my dreams anymore. Which makes me a bit sad. And very happy. Now with the onset of maturity, I can clearly see that your presence was not needed that badly. I had mom. I had friends. If you had been around, you would only have prevented a couple of secondary school girls from being adoringly and persistently followed by a pint sized child. They’ll probably always remember what it felt like to be stalked. A valuable lesson these days, if you ask me :-).
I’m not angry with you. I don’t miss you. But I love you. And I always will.
Your loving little sister.