7 hours of Shut- Eye: An Insomniac’s How-To

Everything you need to know about Insomnia as a disorder, you’ll find on Wikipedia (donate to those people when they ask, okay? They’re doing a fantastic job. For free!). Well back to me. Currently, I’m trying to write a project , in my room. Obviously my bed is here, all ready to receive my not-so-fatigued body if i choose to indulge. But i don’t choose to. Because i slept for 13 hours last night. How you ask? But why, you ask? She must be very lazy, you think (I’m hearing all your voices in my head so don’t you dare deny it). Back to the story sha…

How? Rain fell. Why? I was very tired, a little pissed and a lot frustrated. Long day and so many pressures accompanying. So I crashed, planning to wake up on May 1st and blitz my project’s first chapter in a place where I’d be forced (by atmosphere) to be serious about it. I planned to evacuate to the Library. Then I woke up. AND IT WAS 1:28PM. What?

What most surprised me, is that I was not particularly alarmed. Normal Overachieving ME would have been rushing in a terrible haste to catch up on plans for the day. Holidaying Me looked out the window, saw it was still raining, leisurely took a bucket shower (wasn’t a real shower and I used a bucket and a bowl, so…*you have my permission to roll your eyes at me* you won’t get cross-eyed, I promise) and hopped back into my room. Plans adjusted, no fuss. By the way, for future reference, I love Holidaying Me, she’s so calm.

Now that I’ve circumlocuted enough (it should be a word. Past tense of the noun- circumlocution, which should be a verb by the way), let me tell you why I was so happy to have woken up late. I AM A BONA FIDE LONG- TIME INSOMNIAC! I can never get to sleep! I recognize that I probably just have Delayed Sleep Disorder but for purposes of this article, I’ll call myself an insomniac. Lately though, with the onset of the rainy season, I cannot seem to stop sleeping. It’s not just because of the rain though. For about 7 years, I’ve traced every corner of the ceiling with my eyes, worn different sleep eye masks, washed my face, drank warm, hot or cold milk, just to get some sleep and be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for the next day. And It. Did. Not. Work.

Lately though, some things have been working for me. And I want to share them. Because I’m Wonderful. And Seriously Nice. I’m serious! So, without further circumlocution, I shall point you in the direction to take when you want to go off to La La land next time and then meet a resistance that seems insurmountable for some reason.

  1. Pray!: I’ve heard this said: Pray when you don’t have to, and you won’t NEED  to. So pay up your prayer debt. Talk to God while others are sleeping. Talk about your hopes, dreams and fears to him. Cry out your pain. Speak your mind. Tell him about your insomnia even. A problem shared may help you sleep better too. Histoire vraie (true story).
  2. Turn Off the lights– You know that Enrique Iglesias song where he keeps telling you not to turn off the lights. Play that song while turning off the lights. That will show him! Sleeping comes much easier when there’s nothing else distracting you. Even is your distraction is merely a 60-watt light bulb. P.S- I love Enrique, but it’s not fair that he tells me not to turn off the lights while snuggling up to Anna Kournikova in the (presumed) darkness. It’s downright mean, in fact.
  3. Drink Some Milk: Or Richoco. Or Bournvita/Milo, if the recession hasn’t caused your standards in chocolate beverages to drop. Or if you work in Nestle or Cadbury and get lots of free samples. Just because it hardly ever works for me, doesn’t mean it won’t work for you.
  4. Make some food for the Next Day: Or make Junior’s breakfast. Pack yourself a box lunch that you can reheat. Wash those clothes you’ve been meaning to. Research that project you’ve been meaning to.  I’m almost completely sure that this has to be the weirdest tip yet/ever. But there’s something about cooking that brings out the pleasantly tired in people. And it’s great to cook in the night. And eat it all by yourself. Or maybe that’s just me. And the others, Just starting something, or doing something earlier than you should have started lifts a weight off your shoulders. You know it’s true!
  5. Go to the Toilet:  It’s an established pre-bed ritual. Doing it puts in you in the frame of mind for bed and sleep.
  6. Read a book: Make sure it’s by an author you don’t particularly like. Or one you’ve read like 30,000 times before. Preferably if one of those times was just earlier in the day. Suspense is proven to give people an adrenaline rush. Opposite of suspense is… predictability. and opposite of adrenaline rush is… boredom. Boredom induces sleep. So grab that Barbie storybook right now and prepare to set sail into La- la Land. Yes. Thank me later. See  the introduction to previous post :-).
  7. Bathe: Something about cold water on your body just makes you want to go to bed and dream of a time when Nigeria will have a steady light supply. Sometime soon. I have faith that GOD will see us through to that milestone soon.

So now lads and lasses, incorporate my tips into your bed time routine. Remember to moisturize your body especially your eyes (eye creams), face and hands (so frequently overlooked),wear your socks and eye masks (if you’re the type to do that). And dream about a girl staring intently at her laptop. That would be me.

S’endomir mon amoreux (Goodnight my loves). 🙂


11 Comments Add yours

  1. toriascribbles says:

    Educative and nice.
    I believe you deserve this award http://toriascribbles.wordpress.com/2013/05/03/three-more-awards/

    1. hrh7 says:

      Thanks. Saw your referral. But the Writers competition? I’m an anonymous blogger. But i’ll take your nomination and be glad of it. Thanks again.

      1. toriascribbles says:

        You are welcome 😉

  2. Steph says:

    do these tips really work for you?

    are you bright eyed the next day even when you dont sleep? i am envious if you are.

    1. hrh7 says:

      I am. I guess that’s the advantage of youth. I just don’t want it to become a habit though.

      1. Steph says:

        what would happen if it did become a habit?

        when i spend a sleepless night I am fine sometimes; other times i am a nervous wreck. but the next night i sleep very well.

        and i am not productive on those sleepless nights. what a waste of precious hours. it comes in very handy though in emergencies…like if i have to take someone to the hospital and have to stay awake. 🙂

      2. hrh7 says:

        Well mine has been on for years. But in my case, I use that time to read, wash, write.
        It can be a very productive habit.

      3. Steph says:

        Wow, lucky you! Do u ever take naps?

      4. hrh7 says:

        Pretty much all the time. It’s not the best. Sometimes I really hate it. And sometimes I get cranky if I don’t sleep.

  3. Steph says:

    what do i call u, btw?

    1. hrh7 says:

      Hrh7. I’m anonymous 😊. That works for me.

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