Do you agree?

So I found this in my archives and I thought to myself: why not post it?
And now, I have 🙂

Dear Children,

Should the Lord give you the good gift of a husband or wife, and I hope He does, there are a few things I want you to know. Things that you may not hear from anyone else, and certainly not on TV or other media. Sadly, your church may not even tell you.
Marriage, sweet little people, is not for the purpose of your happiness. Happy as I want you to be and hope you will be, you must yet understand that marriage is God’s design and His purposes must be pursued in order for you to be truly happy. His end is holiness and He will use all things in a life devoted to Him to fulfill that end.

To my girls:
Marry a man whose first pursuit is Christ. After that, he is not hard to please. Admire him, cheer him on and show gratitude, and he will fall over himself trying to please you. Smile often, speak well of him always, and do whatever necessary to try and maintain a pleasant mood about you so that it transfers to your home, making it a place where he and your children love to be.
You’ll have bad days of course, crying days even, and that’s when you go to your bedroom, kneel on the floor and beg the Lord to carry you. Then get up, get a fresh perspective (crayons will come off the wall), and try again. Above all else, make a home.

To my boys:
Marry a woman whose first pursuit is Christ. After that, she may be hard to please only if you don’t know “the secret”. What is that? I’m glad you asked. The secret to pleasing your wife is to make her feel safe and treasured. You may have to move out of your comfort zone to do this at times. She won’t always readily translate the oil change to love, though it means that. But let me give you a “secret question”–a question you need to ask her often. It’s not just in the asking, though. Be sure to focus your eyes on hers, maybe even touch her shoulder or face, and then ask: “What’s on your mind these days? “ And then be ready to listen. She wants you to draw her out. She will perceive this as your protection over the matters of her heart. Tenderness, listening, protection. That’s what she wants.

To you all:
If your wife or husband does something really stupid, forgive. If they do it again, forgive again. Forgiveness must be the propelling force in your lives each day. Dwell on the strengths, push out thoughts of their weaknesses. Take every thought captive–choose to love.

Here’s that part you are not going to hear often:
If you find yourself “not happy”, having lost attraction, disinterested, etc., you are not permitted to even think about a divorce. If you find yourselves arguing more and more, don’t think for a minute that “the children will be better off out of this”, because they won’t.

The vows you took on your wedding day were not suggestions. They were covenant vows, before a Holy God, family and friends, to stay with this person the rest of your life, even if you don’t feel like it. You swore a solemn oath and if you can’t live up to it, don’t get married. Decide up front that your marriage is irrevocable. There is far more motivation for getting along if your “marriage house” has no door.
Do not share intimate thoughts or feelings with anyone of the opposite sex. Do not find yourself alone for any length of time with such either.
Divorce is not a “private option”. It will affect multiple families for many generations. When you “separate what God has joined” you permanently injure far more than just yourself.
Guard your marriage as fiercely as you would guard your own life. Treat your spouse as an extension of your flesh, just as God sees you. Treat your spouse like other family members. You know, “you gotta love ‘em, they’re the only family you’ve got”.
I want you to be happy, I surely do. But I will pray for you to be holy.

Proverbs 19:14 – “Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.”
Proverbs 20:6-7 – “Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find? The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him.

God bless you saints…

I’m not married so I really need your opinions; do you agree with this article?


17 Comments Add yours

  1. Oluchee says:

    I’m also not married, but I agree with some of those things. I wish a lot more people take their marriage vows more seriously and not just think separation at the end of any problem that seem to emanate from the union.
    But still in this century, with the easy way people get married without second thoughts or parents approval and so many different faults, i dont scorn at the idea of divorce if that can be a solution. I’m not sure being in an abusive marriage is what perseverance is about, or being in a bitter union will teach you about hope.

    1. hrh7 says:

      Thank you! I appreciate the single perspective too. But, when should we choose to forgo parental consent? I read a case of a person- 3 or 4 different people came to ask for her hand in marriage, her parents refused them all. When should such a person say, “enough is enough”
      Btw, thank you so much for visiting and commenting!
      You’re welcome to my/ our blog!

  2. Obisco1 says:

    Marriage…one of the greatest mysteries.

    Interestingly, I see people from other religions having successful marriages and I ask myself, do Christians sometimes use the Bible to justify their own desires?
    I think marriage is such an individual thing in the sense that what works for one couple may not work for the other… like I said earlier, one of life’s great mysteries, this marriage of a thing…

    1. hrh7 says:

      Interesting that you should say that. I definitely think marriage is an individual thing. I’ve always believed that. Do Christians use the bible to justify themselves sometimes? Definitely, I do think. But at what point do you throw you hands up and give up on a marriage? That is the million dollar question to me.

      How are you btw?

      Thanks for your comment.

      1. Obisco1 says:

        I’m fine o, just taking each day at a time.
        Thanks for asking.

        I don’t think we should give up on marriage just re-think it. Like most institutions, it should not be static; while it has its fundamental tenets, some things need to be re-thought.

      2. hrh7 says:

        You’re welcome. And I totally agree.

  3. I’ve nominated you Blogger Recognition Award. Please have a look at my latest post for more information and have a blessed day :).

    1. hrh7 says:

      Thank you. I think you’re an awesome blogger too.

  4. akaglue says:

    Oh wao, beautiful piece. Very well written. I have been married for 5 years. May I include that if the marriage becomes abusive, pls both parties should be apart for a while and then involve family/church. I believe that if both parties are xtians, they can rework their marriage and come back stronger. But I will never condone an abusive marriage.

    1. hrh7 says:

      You may! And thank you. And your advice is good too, most people either leave for good or stay quiet. Thank you.

  5. Casey says:

    I think this is right on target. Having been married 14 years, we’ve gone through every up and down you can think of; at one point, Hubby was packed to leave and we were going to split up. Thankfully, we had some good friends who spent the time to help us see we were not alone. Every couple deals with tough times; whether you get through the situations relatively intact depends on how you react. I’ve heard that when couples on the brink of divorce decide to work through it and stay together, five years down the road they are almost always happier than when they first got married. That is true for us. When you’re in the bag time, it’s hard to see how you’ll ever make it; now that we’re past it, we can’t imagine ever being like that again. We learned a lot through the process.

    1. hrh7 says:

      Thank you. It’s refreshing to see the perspective of a person who has gone through such troubled times in her own marriage.
      The process is very important but God is most important.
      Thank you for reading through and commenting!

  6. yevandy says:

    Well written piece. However I couldn’t get past ” Marriage, sweet little people, is not for the purpose of your happiness” .
    I am not married but I completely disagree. There might be a lot of tough times in trying to fulfil Gods purpose for your life, but the Joy is never absent. Proverbs 5 and Prov 18 make me understand that Marriage should make you happy.
    I also don’t support divorce for but based on family experiences I think people make mistakes in partner choices, spouses change and no one deserves to pay for this mistake with their life.

    1. hrh7 says:

      Thank you so much for that clarification and also, for providing passages to buttress your point with.
      I plan to check those passages out as soon as possible.
      I personally hope our marriages will be joyful offerings to God. Anything less is not worth contemplating.
      I appreciate your comment and I look forward to reading your blog.

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